I first want everyone to know that we send these blogs to keep our friends and family up to date with what we are doing here and Haiti , but foremost and utmost, we pray that it will bring encouragement and bring a little bit of God into your life as we try to convey what he is doing in ours.
With this blog, I want to share with you some things that God has shown me about Brokenness and how he has brought more brokenness into my live while being here in Haiti.
I am sure if I asked 10 people what brokenness means to them, it is safe to say we probably would have 10 different answers, depending where we are all at in our walk with Christ.I will try to share some what brokenness means to me and how God has used situations here in Haiti to bring me to a new level of brokenness. Before coming to Haiti this time I really had no Idea the work God was getting ready to do in my life. Just living and being here, we are exposed to things that only God knows why, like, watching a man drink from the gutter that you or I would not even stick our finger in,like talking with a group of boys that have lived in and out of orphanages all their lives and they shared with me stories of how they were beaten, abused, and treated like slaves, all just for someone else's gain. I could see the pain in their eyes as they told me these things and I knew there was much more that they were not sharing. But one of the hardest things to be exposed to and see is the small children that are suffering and seeing the conditions that they live in and most of all the Hopelessness in their eyes, when you look at them, I have no words that describe how it grabs at your heart. except Brokenness.
I will never forget my visit to the County Hospital here and seeing what I saw, it was like walking through some real bad horror movie that left those everlasting memories in your head that you could not get rid of. I saw diseases, death, and health care, at a level I did not even think existed.
I can not put into words the emotions that we go through in just one day of doing the things God has us do here. Many times I have had to fight back the tears seeing these things that I have shared with you, and some times I just go in my quiet place and let it all out. I tell you all this not so you will feel sorry and have great compassion for me and what God has us doing here, but to explain to you that by God allowing me to experience these things and go through some of the pain that I experience while being exposed to things, it has brought me to a place of brokenness that is unexplainable, Which only has drawn me closer to the Lord than I have ever been or known I could get.God has brought Psalms 51 alive to me and especially 51:17 I want to quote something out of a book that I recently have been reading and the author says this: Brokenness is the realization that life is too much for us, not just because there is to much pain but also because were too selfish. Brokenness is realizing He(God) is all we have. Hope is realizing, He is all we need . Joy is realizing He is all we want. This is where I believe God wants us, if we will allow ourselves to grab onto our brokenness, which will only drive us closer to God, which in turn will conform us more like Him. Then I can go to that group of boys I was talking about earlier and truly love on them as Christ would. Or maybe I would not be so quick to judge and gossip about my fellow brother in Christ, Or maybe I would learn to look past my fellow brothers faults and find the goodness God has put there. Or maybe I would learn how to put my relationship with Christ before and above all the other things that I think are so important, Just a few things to think about , I also believe that brokenness will enable us to have that rich and abiding communion with God that we all need and want.
What would our churches look like if they were full of broken people, who are hungry for God, who know what it means to sense the spirit moving within them as they speak with one another and co-labor with one another.?
I would like to close with this thought for you all to think on. It also is from a book that I have read recently, the thought is: maybe its time for us (the church) to dive into the unmanageable, messy world of relationships, to admit our failure, to identify our tensions, to explore our shortcomings. we need to become the answer to our lords prayer, that we become one the way He and the Father are one.
Its time to rise up church, and become a community of people who take refuge in God and encourage each other to never flee to another source of help, a community of folks who know the only way to live in this world is to focus on the spiritual life ( our life with God and others) . It won't be easy but it will be worth it Our impact on the world is at stake. I believe the first step to achieving this is being broken before God. I want to encourage you all, to seek God with all our heart and soul and mind and strength and ask God to show you your brokenness.
Walking In His Blessings
Ted, Lisa, Charmaine, Caleb